When we are babies, we have no fear and wear no masks.  Over time, we slowly push our real selves into the background to conform with what we think that others want.  No wonder that we feel incomplete and out of touch with our real selves.

Regaining authenticity means shedding the awkward layers that we have put on to please others, to reveal the real person – an authentic person. What does this mean, and how do you regain your authenticity?

Firstly, what does authentic mean? The dictionary definition is: Conforming to fact and therefore worthy of trust, reliance, or belief; not counterfeit or copied. With the authentic person what you see is what you get. The outside reflects the values of the heart. There is no show for the sake of others. The authentic person is reliable because their inner values and motivations are clear.

The definition of authentic excludes copies or counterfeits. A copy is not original, or individual. It tries to be something else rather than being itself.

The opposite of authentic is fake or superficial. The fake item always has low value. Everyone can see it is not what tries to be. The fake person is easily seen for what they are. Only the person who is not looking (such as another fake person) is fooled.

Someone once bought me a fake Rolex.  It looked a bit brassy rather than gold and the face wasn’t quite right.  After a while, it went green from being on my wrist, then the band broke.  You can buy a fake Rolex for a few dollars at a market stall in Asia, wear it for a month then throw it away, while the real thing costs thousands of dollars and keeps looking good.

A valuable authentic Rolex

Fake medicine looks the same as the genuine article, but it has no power to heal. It tries to ride on the reputation of the real item, but doesn’t deliver on its promises (in fact, it might make you feel worse). In both cases, the fake or copy is of little value. This is the same for the fake person as well.

The fake person has lost their connection to the real person inside. After a while, they forget that they were ever an individual. They just become another clone, to be used and discarded by others.  Since they are not themselves but an inferior copy of someone else, they are not valued by others.

You can see that it is bad to be fake or superficial. How do you become authentic and get back to the real you, the one deep inside?

Authenticity is your original state. You were born to be an authentic individual. When you were a baby, you didn’t fake anything, when you wanted something, you just screamed for it. When you wanted to walk, you just kept going until you took your first steps.  We lose authenticity along the way when we conform to what others think, rather than thinking for ourselves. We doubt our own wisdom and stop listening to our minds and accept even the most stupid things that other people say, following them like sheep.

Regaining authenticity is a mental exercise. Firstly you need to examine how you live and how you want to live and identify your core beliefs that lead to the behaviours that you want to change. Only the strongest individuals will do this.  For example, if you spend all your money and save nothing, you may find that you have an underlying belief that it is bad and selfish to be wealthy.  Once you overcome that limiting belief, you can move forward with changing your own spending patterns.

Another example is the selfish and aggressive boss.  At one point, they may see the conflict between their behaviour and their innermost values which may be to be a kind and calm person.  They can’t just start trying to be more pleasant.  They must firstly look at why they are nasty.  It may stem back to a belief that it is a “dog eat dog” world and that you must be aggressive to survive.  When they replace that with a belief that they can survive and thrive by being pleasant and calm, their outer world is able to change.

It is too confronting for most people to examine the core beliefs that they have built their life around.  These false ideas are not the real you.  You are underneath all of the garbage that you have believed over the years.  Most people will immediately reject the new way of thinking. New fresh ideas will conflict with existing false beliefs, which they accept as part of themselves, even though it is not. It is easier to resist change and rejection of what they see as their true self (their false beliefs) than it is to openly assess the new ideas.

Once you’ve changed your inner beliefs, then outward change can follow. You can’t impose outward change, and expect inward change. Outward change comes from refusing to again compromise core beliefs to “fit in” and by carefully thinking for yourself rather than accepting whatever you are told as your belief.

Once you’ve regained their authenticity, your outer person will again be aligned with the real you inside. You’ll have more energy because you won’t need to deny reality anymore, or keep up a front for the sake of others. You will regain peace and self awareness and  start to unleash your creativity and fulfil your purpose in life.

Tags: authenticity, Personal growth

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